Things I learned from watching The Road

I think it’s fair to say The Road isn’t the most optimistic movie made over the past few years. It’s certainly thought provoking about life in a post-apocalyptic future. I viewed it as a learning experience which could save me a lot of time, unpleasantness and limbs in the event of an apocalypse. Here are some important lessons I learned from watching this movie.

1. NAMA is a waste of time and money.
2. Nobody bothers to look behind them in a post-apocalyptic future
3. You won’t need to describe anything as “bleak”. It’s a given!
4. There’s a light somewhere that needs to be “kept alive”. It’s unclear whether it’s battery or mains operated.
5. Coke will finally win its long battle with Pepsi for cola supremacy. It’s not so much “The Real Thing” as the “Only Thing” if you want to quench your post-apocalyptic thirst
6. Nobody will need to “wear suncreen”. The entire cosmetics industry will be unnecessary in a world without bars, nightclubs, parties and sunlight
7. Republicans will take their revenge against Democrats by _eating_ them. On the plus side there’ll be no more Fox News
8. If someone invites you “round for dinner”. Refuse!
9. We won’t have to worry about “peak oil” cos there won’t be any cars.
10. Names will no longer be used. This could get confusing but you won’t meet anyone else for 80% of your post-apocalyptic future so it won’t matter. When you eventually meet someone  they’re more likely to try to eat you than make friends.
11. Social media won’t seem very important without food, water, safety, hope etc.  Industry analysts will admit that Facebook was overvalued.
12. Judging by the ash, lack of sunlight and planes, that damn Icelandic volcano caused it all!
13. Gartner got it WRONG. Didn’t see this coming in any “magic quadrant”
14. The earth’s population will be decimated but there will be a shortage of clothes
15. Apocalypses don’t need coherent causes or effects. For example, despite a lack of sunlight and an obviously cold environment, trees will randomly catch fire.

Feel free to add your own!