Category: humour

I thought I’d taken on a few of these in my time but no, I’ve seen it all now.. Thanks to Brian (aka Doggs) for this link. This guy just wants a Win32 compliant Operating System that has all the features of Windows but is better. He’s willing to pay a whole 3k for it. Now, it’s gotta be a joke right?? Thing is, the project creator has done/faked sincerity so well that some of the bidders actually seem serious and see no reason to spend the whole 3000 dollars. I know that contract programming is cheaper in India but this is frankly ridiculous. So I’ve decided I could do the project. My win32 compliant OS will unfortunately only support the Gaisan MysticCore ™ Virtual Machine which mysteriously turns bytecode that appears to be repetitive gibberish into meaningful instructions for the Gaisan MysticAL processor. The OS he can have for free, the Virtual Machine will be 50 million dollars and the processor will be 10 times that 🙂
I’m pretty sure there are other companies out there looking for a Win32-compliant OS to replace the mess that is windows. Microsoft for starters…

My mind is like an old rusty sieve at the moment so I thought the following quotation was apt.
“Blessed are the forgetful; for they get the better even of their blunders..” – Friedrich Nietszche.

How many Portuguese footballers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: A full squad of 20 plus their manager

• Five to simultaneously roll around on the ground clutching various body parts, at different ends of the pitch
• One to flick his hair, a lot
• One to have a legitmate grievance with lightbulbs which is ignored by the referee because his teammates are such tossers.
• One to step over the bulb…and again… and again…
• Four to gather around the referee trying to get the bulb sent off
• One to wink and blow kisses at the referee after he got the bulb sent off
• One lightbulb wizard to do… absolutely nothing really…
• One designated bulb changer who disappears everytime the bulb comes near him
• One to hit the ground right before he makes contact with the bulb
• Three players who can’t change a bulb but who can definitely take a penalty
• One fat manager to throw a tantrum about the new FIFA regulation bulb
• & one veteran winger to change the bulb as none of his teammates know how