Hi HB,
\nI’m sorry if I seem withdrawn the past few days but I’m just tired and
\nstressed. I love you very very much. I really have to communicate my
\nthoughts to you and I’m choosing email as conversations are overly fluid
\nwhere thoughts are easily misinterpreted. <\/p>\n
The next few paragraphs are critical of you but I hope that you won’t take
\noffense. If you do you have my sincere regrets but I felt the sentiments
\nneeded to be expressed and I already regret the clumsiness of the
\nexpression. I’m not perfect and definitely sensitive. I believe the latter
\nis a virtue. Also, I do forgive but I’ve never been able to forget. <\/p>\n
As you know, I really don’t like you snapping at me about anything,
\nespecially related to eating. While, my mother did this for a while in 1994
\nshe hasn’t really done it since and it was mostly related to not being able
\nto breathe at all through my nose, which was embarassing for me. <\/p>\n
Nobody before or since has made the comments that you have. I asked a few
\nof them for their honest opinion during the first few months of our
\nrelationship and most said that I was an “enthusiastic eater” at worst and
\nthey’d be highly insulted if their partner behaved in the way you have.
\nActions such as moving to another chair or leaving the room would have
\nsignalled the death knells of a relationship. My counsellor was appalled at
\nwhat she described as socially unacceptable behavior. During the early
\nmonths before the “eating improvement” you describe I felt acutely
\nembarassed eating around you. Every meal was an ordeal and I worried what
\nwould happen if we met my parents for dinner. This was unfair as I started
\nto develop a complex based around eating. This is something that your mother
\ndid to you in a more brutal but no less strident way. My gut instinct, pun
\nexcused, was not to accept this but I capitulated. I remember the time you
\nstayed in my house because we wanted to give Claire and Ken some space. I’d
\nmade a big effort to cook you breakfast and to be quiet so you could work on
\nyour paintings. I was extremely upset when you moved to another couch when I
\nstarted eating popcorn. When we discussed it later you made a hurtful remark
\nabout “having enough to deal with” and said “why do I love you?” I was
\nsilent but inside I was absolutely seething and devastated. I was trying my
\nbest and instead of it being acknowledged, my hurt at your behavior was
\ndeemed inconvenient. This was extremely selfish on your part. This wasn’t
\nthe only time you hurt me with your comments or actions. <\/p>\n
I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad about yourself. I’m making you
\naware of my perspective so we can avoid causing each other hurt in the
\nfuture. Annoying or irritating traits in either of us is one thing, hurt is
\nmuch more serious. <\/p>\n
In the first 2-3 months you were highly insulting about my eating habits,
\nwhich to my knowledge and based on conversations with my friends haven’t
\nchanged that much over the past few years. You described it as “snapping”
\nyesterday and seemed at a loss to understand how I could continue to be
\naffected by your behavior for over an hour. Try to empathise here. Like most
\npeople I don’t like my loved one to display repulsion at any activities I
\nengage in, eating included. It’s not a wonderful experience and makes you
\nappear very pushy and high-minded. Not appealing characteristics in anyone. <\/p>\n
I love you very much with all my heart and soul and try my best to make you
\nhappy. As you do me. You know I spend a huge amount of my time doing things
\nto help you. I was upset this morning when you made the comments about the
\ndishes. It sounded like a swipe. I apologise for not doing them earlier but
\nit wasn’t deliberate, I just forgot and was very busy and anxious about
\nother things. Nevertheless I should have been more considerate but last
\nnight, I was watching a television programme with you and from your comments
\nyou didn’t want me to leave the room. Try to empathise here. I walk
\ndownstairs, having just gotten up out of bed, to give my loved one a hug and
\na kiss. I have stomach cramps and I have a very sore nose which doesn’t look
\ntoo great. I appreciate that you don’t make a big deal out of these things
\nbut they don’t just arise because I “was eating a lot of junk”. It’s not my
\nfault hun. So when I get down to the kitchen I’m greeted with a playful but
\ndefinitely cutting comment about me not cleaning up. I’m not happy about it
\nso I clam up and feel distant. However, I don’t want you to think there’s
\nanything wrong as I don’t want to upset you before you head off to college
\nso I try to behave like everything’s normal. <\/p>\n
Honey, you are a wonderful person but being aware of your own faults doesn’t
\nautomatically excuse them. From what you’ve told me and my personal
\nexperiences you are a loving, caring and very special person who has so much
\nto give to everyone around you. You’re a loving girlfriend who’s thoughtful
\nand provides me with solace in stressful times. You’re also extremely clever
\nand your use of language is often inspiring and always entertaining. On the
\nnegative side IMHO you’re high-minded, overly competitive, obsessive and
\noften dismissive. I believe you’re insecure about your abilities and
\nsometimes ostentatiously display your intelligence to others to assert your
\nauthority. I know this is appallingly blunt but I’ve experienced it at first
\nhand. I sometimes do this; less so now than in the past as it made me very
\nunpopular. I KNOW you just want people’s respect honey. I understand that.
\nBelieve it or not, you have their awe. <\/p>\n
One thing I’d like you to learn is how to apologise. Not when you think
\nyou’re wrong but when it’s clear that others genuinely believe you should.
\nAn apology is an acknowledgement of regret at a fault or causing offense. If
\nI or anybody else believes an apology is required from you then that means
\nthat an offense has been caused. Valuing that person involves acknowledging
\nthat you didn’t mean to cause offense. It’s as simple as that. To my mind,
\nnobody worth a damn will ever use an apology against you so you have nothing
\nto fear from ever issuing one. The real difficuly for me here is that I
\ncan’t seem to criticise something you do, even if it’s hurtful to me,
\nwithout you becoming very defensive and questioning whether I love you. I
\nknow you’re a product of your conditioning but I’m not your mother, don,
\npeter, graham, whoever so it’s not a legitimate excuse. I’m me; an end, not
\na means. <\/p>\n
Honey, I love you with all my heart and I genuinely believe we can live
\ntogether happily for the rest of our lives. Bygones will be left so. <\/p>\n
Love you always, <\/p>\n
\t…shane XXXXXXX<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi HB, I’m sorry if I seem withdrawn the past few days but I’m just tired and stressed. I love you very very much. I really have to communicate my thoughts to you and I’m choosing email as conversations are overly fluid where thoughts are easily misinterpreted. The next few paragraphs are critical of you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gaisan.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12602"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gaisan.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gaisan.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gaisan.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gaisan.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12602"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gaisan.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12602\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gaisan.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12602"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gaisan.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12602"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gaisan.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12602"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}